Sunday, May 12, 2013

Yo Mama Squints

For My Mother
I love you, I love you, as long as time can be,
For you are my mother, as far as I can see,
I love you, I love you, I love you, I do!
Three cheers for mother, I love to love you!
--Princess Age 9 Mother's Day 2013

Awoke at the crack of dawn to a lovely plethora of Mother's Day gifts; a really cool waffle iron and the deluxe double chocolate-chocolate chip waffles to go with it, (which Lil' K had allowed me to anticipate for a full THREE weeks 'cuz she spilled the beans!  Pay attention here!  Handsome had actually PRE-MEDITATED a gift and purchased it weeks in advance!  He was amply repaid.  Umm, hmm...) a sweet yarn flower vase and tissue flower assortment, sugar foot scrub, bath salts, and several cute construction paper cards and poems.  I felt very very very loved.  

Caboose came home from nursery with the cutest little paper plate and cup made into a flower pot with a picture of herself inside the petals--adorable!  She was so dang proud of that thing.  I asked her if she made it for me for Mother's Day.  No!  It was hers!  Oh.

I was pretty sure that Mr. Lamadingdong's teachers wouldn't fail me, and about 5:30 p.m. when he hadn't produced anything, I finally told him to pony up.  He presented me with a hastily scribbled message on the back of a Sunday School hand-out.  The entire message reads as follows:

"Hi mom I Love you so much That They even made a holiday for you It mothers day.  You are so awesome I love you because you help with chores and do most of them.  You love me and make dinners and you bought me my things and y"

If I read is slowly and only partially open my eyes as I read, I get the general gist.

 Mr. Cool's Sunday-supervisors each forced him to write me 2 touching cards.  Unfortunately, Mr. Cool doesn't do touching.  He does "almost touching, with a twist of definitely not touching, but could have been touching if you squinted really hard." (Which, if I have to be honest, is my favorite kind.)

For example, in 1st grade, Mr. Cool made a "progressive card" that was a long piece of construction paper folded down a million times to a fancy potted plant.  Two plants, actually, "growing" in a pot as you unfold the paper (a Mommy plant and a Mr. Cool plant).  The caption along the side read something like, "Mother, my love for you grows...and grows...and grows...and grows!"

The teacher didn't count on the fact that Mr. Cool could think on his own, however, and when I unfolded the final crease on Mother's Day it revealed a little Mr. Cool plant with monster teeth devouring his Mama plant.

Mother's Day is always a little like this; mostly wonderful, (my part is to squint and laugh a lot).

Here's Mr. Cool's finishing touch to the day.  There's a beautiful tribute to mothers on  This is not it.  It will bring tears to your eyes.  If you squint long enough.  If it doesn't work here, get on YouTube and search Rhett and Link Yo Mama.  Happy Mother's Day.

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