This has been a year of trials so far for me, seemingly tailor-made. One of my biggest challenges is trying to be the nice mommy when I am exhausted, or with a headache hanging over me all the time. Add to that my intense desires to be a good mother, citizen and friend, and the struggles that some of my kids and friends are having, and I have been stretched to my limits.
Luckily I signed up for BYU Women's Conference. Just to have two days alone, with my own thoughts, and a pen and notebook, being fed by the Spirit. Ahhh...
Not only that, but when an apostle of the Lord, Henry B. Eyring, spoke to a full conference center, and we all sang praises to our Lord and Savior while we waited for Elder Eyring's car which was stuck in traffic was overwhelming.
The world shouts wickedness and bad news at us all day, and to see that there are so many righteous women who are trying just as hard as I am to prepare for the second coming of the Savior refilled my soul with hope and strength.
I thought of all my friends, many of whom are not members of my church, who also feel this way. We are an army of quiet, serving, loving disciples of Christ. We'll never have recognition, we don't want it. We just want our children to make good choices so they'll be happy. We want God to be a part of society because we are blessed when He is. We want to be good friends and neighbors. We are quiet and mostly unobserved, but there is a power in our sisterhood.
Along those lines, I went to a neurologist yesterday about my constant migraines. I'll spare you the details, but let's just say the experience wasn't totally positive. She freaked out when she heard that I was taking so much Imitrex--essentially refused to take me on as a patient as I am going to have a heart attack or a stroke at any minute.
Uh, OK. I'd been worried about the pain stuff, but not about the Imitrex. So, now I'm not taking it, and will be going to a pain management clinic. I'm honestly just trying to do my best, and I've been working with so many doctors and pharmacists, you'd think one of them might have mentioned these risks before now.
She freaked when I mentioned a chiropractor. (He'll kill me! I'm now starting to wonder about this neurologist a little.)
Then she cussed me up one side and down the other for having so many children.
This has happened to me before (the large family issue) and I calmly assured her that they were all planned, that Handsome and I had both prepared our whole lives to live this way, that we are both educated and out of debt and that I stay home with them.
I don't want to be self-righteous when I speak to someone about big families, and I am careful with what I say and how I say it. But if they are brazen enough to give me their opinion, they are going to have to listen to my side of the issue. Frankly, it's none of their business. I'm not going to criticize her life-choices, and she can give me the same courtesy.
If she hadn't flat-out refused to take me on as a patient I probably wouldn't have gone back. But she made it very clear, she is not my doctor, and when I die of a stroke, my blood is not on her hands.
Like I said, I had just refilled my cup at women's conference, and everything was going well at home, aside from the dang headaches, but by the time I left her office, I was so wound up and freaked out that I was once again Crazy Mommy last night.
|This is the fantasy version of Crazy Mommy|
If I were this put together, I don't think I'd be as crazy.
I'm going to make an appointment with a hormone specialist. Also, I've made an appointment with a sleep apnea guy. The Prince says I snore. Hmmm...
In the meantime, I'll go back to the gym and keep taking the vitamins. They haven't helped the migraines, but overall I feel better.
And just for the record, I'm keeping the kids. And if anyone wants to hand me more, I'll take 'em.