Monday, September 10, 2012


It usually starts with stupid.

You know how you're trying to make connections, but you just can't, and you know that you're trying to say something, but you can't quite say it, or you aren't sure what it was in the first place...and someone looks at you funny.

That's my migraine aura--which is confusing in and of itself, because it is also just a normal part of who I am, so it doesn't necessarily mean I'm about to get a splitting headache--sometimes it just means I'm my crazy-loopy self.

As the stupid progresses, sometimes my eyes join in the game, and start sparkin'.  I can see the little pulsing blood vessels or whatever they are dancing around, and a fun little flickering light show.  This is about the time that I start stepping on little girls, who are everywhere.  They sense a disturbance in the force, and come to me for random conversation and chaos.

The sharp pain in the left side of my head begins to grow.  I'm pretty sure my eyeball is about to pop out.

(If I'm not too far into stupid at this point, I take an Imitrex; some vascular pill that usually stops the migraine in a few hours.   Then I try to figure out what to take for the pain; usually a combination of Advil or Aleve and Extra Strength Tylenol.  Sometimes I forget this important step and lay down somewhere.  Then I lay there until I can talk myself into getting up to take the stuff.  The Imitrex helps a lot, and where I used to know that I was down for at least 24 hours, now I know I'll be mostly functional in about 2.)  I drink a ton of water, Gatoraid and sometimes a Dr. Pepper.

It's unbearably bright and yet dark and foggy at this point, and I start to panic a little as I realize that I can't do whatever it was on my list that seemed pretty important earlier in the day.  Also, a short snippet of annoying song usually repeats itself in my head over and over, or a word.  Pretorius.  Pretorious.  Pretorious.  Pretorious.  Where's the Caboose?  Pretorious.

People are climbing on me. Putting their little hands down my shirt, and trying to communicate with me, crawling over me again and again, or asking me questions that I can't understand, random, annoying questions that are difficult to process pretorious and need more than just a yes or no just really to hijack my brain and make me crazier than I already am pretorious.  Pretorious, pretorious, pretorious...They flick the light on and off and if there is a flashlight handy, they start waving light around.  Swirling, overstimulating pretorious.

I start to feel irritable.  What the heck does pretorious mean?  I need to look that up when I feel better.  Someone comes in and flips on the light.  I panic--Where's the Caboose?  (She's laying beside me, asleep.)  OK.  Pretorious.
Little K, "Hey, Mom!  Dow sawt not kink!"
"Dow sawt not kink!  Like we learned in church."
Huh?  Are you trying to say, "Thou shalt not...something?"
"Yeah.  You know, KINK like kink the hose.  Heavenly Father doesn't want us to do that."
Uh, OK.

Womanizer, woman-womanizer, you're a womanizerOh, womanizer, oh, you’re a womanizer babyYou, you-you are, you, you-you are
(Noooooo!!! Not Brittany Speares!  Anything but...)
Womanizer, woman-womanizer, you're a nizerwoman OH!
Womanizer, woman-nizerwomanyou're a womanizer

The world spins and spins and if I'm not laying down at this point then I'm hunched over the throne.

The left side of my head!  Ow, ow, owwie, ow, ow!

Then, eventually I'm able to accomplish a dark room, a wet washcloth, and quiet.  As the headache fades, I am left with my old friend, exhaustion.

Also, sometimes the Imitrex wipes out the headache, but not the fuzzy brain.  Better than nothing, I guess.  Makes me more interesting as a mother, probably.

Usually when I write about something, it makes it funny and bearable.  Not today, I guess.  I had 4 or 5 migraines last week.  The one last night was so severe that I finally took some narcotics to wipe it out (on top of the 2 Aleve, 2 Extra-Strength Tylenol and the Imitrex.  Took a long time to get on top of that one.)
No worries, though.  I feel great today.  Hopefully, last week was a fluke; for a long time I've just been having 3-4 a month.  That is a lot more do-able.

My goal for this week is to shampoo the upstairs carpets.  


Jeri said...

Oh, Jeri, that gave me a headache just reading it. I am so sorry that happens to you. I wish I knew a remedy. Love, dad

Cynthia said...

Jeri, Have your doctor give you some Maxalt. That's what I take and in about 30 minutes, the headache is gone for about 8 hrs. The only bad thing about Maxalt is I'm all geared up to call in sick then my headache goes away......bummer, then I have to go to work. I'm sorry to hear you suffer with migraines....they are just awful.

Mandy said...

Wow, very well explained. I'll be praying for you, that sounds miserable!

Rexburg Family Photo said...

Sorry about the migrianes but man 'pretorious'! Where do you come up with this stuff! Love

Rexburg Family Photo said...

Gee, also I'm glad your blog continually checks to see if I am a robot - sometimes I wonder myself. Also, is there some big collection of robots somewhere making innapropriate commments on peoples blogss? Also they're apparently smart enough to type comments but cant read words like 'vircle'? I'm just saying.