Thursday, March 22, 2012

True Story

Once upon a time there was a Handsome Prince.  As the name suggests, not only was he incredibly dashing, but he was a real prince, also.

Our hero was an easy-going, helpful man.  He spent his days slaying dragons, instructing awkward squires, and tickling princesses.  A little bit of chocolate, some home-made bread, and a bit of romping in the royal bedchambers was about all he needed for contentment.  Uncomplicated.

Every 100 years or so, he made a request.  (Not a decree or proclamation.  A simple request.  Usually very reasonable.)  On this Day of Solicitation, the prince resolved to have the entire royal family appear in church ON TIME.
 (Family represented in the picture is much larger than it appears.)

Now, the meetinghouse was one block away, and services began at 11:00 a.m.  If the royal family met for prayer at 10:40, departed by 10:45 and strolled leisurely, they could all sit together in a rear pew (the queen insisted that they drew too much attention in the front) and quietly prepare for services.

His wish would be granted, and peace would prevail in the kingdom throughout the coming century.
But, whereas the Prince was solid gold to his very core; the queen was a confusing assortment of darling, domestic, hag, jester,witch, princess, and seductress.  Unstable.

And, although most of the previous week had been a pretty tolerable mixture of competency and hospitality; the queen was often unpredictable and, (on Sunday mornings especially) grouchy.

Therefore, the Handsome Prince strategically arose on the established Sabbath at the crack of dawn.  He prepared a delicious breakfast of coffee cake (aka breakfast cake for devout Mormons) and set the table.
  As the cake rose splendidly and cinnamon wafted through the castle, the prince finished the dishes (Seriously, a true Prince!  And cute, too.) and then crept into the royal chambers, locking the door behind him.

  Arousing the queen, in more ways than one, he unlocked the chambers and triumphantly entered the royal shower.

All was going according to plan.  His merry morning moxie song reverberated through the castle's upper floors.

Alas, when the Prince emerged from the royal restroom, clean shaven and smelling spectacular, to Handsome's dismay, he found the rumpled queen and three of the fair little princesses comatose inside the royal berth.

The little heirs quickly awoke and fled to the table.  Leaving their mother for "just one more minute,"  they eagerly devoured the delicious breakfast.  They were joined with the rest of the household, minus one.  The optimistic Prince began to despair.

His perfect world crumbled further as HP was called away to a meeting, forcing him to leave the entire future of the kingdom in the hands of the slothful queen.  He resigned himself to his fate.

The rest of this story is quite painful to relate, so we'll just skip ahead to the end. 

The Prince and his royal children were forced to leave Mums on the trail and proceed without her. 

They arrived early and saved her a seat.  She walked in during the opening hymn. 

To add insult to injury, she later cussed out the poor prince for awakening the entire household so dang early.  He sighed, forgave her and made a mental note to forget about making any more special requests. 

And they lived Happily Ever After.

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